Why do we make mistakes, especially at the beginning of your life
The structure you find yourself in as a kid, the mentality your parents or family insert into your mind, the high or low rate of difficulties you have to face and the malleability of your neuronal system determine your immediate future. And I say “immediate” because if you’re sharp enough, you can figure out the error in time to not fall into the pit for good. It’s true that “never is too late”, but it’s also true that “the sooner the better”. When you open your eyes and realize that your current state of crisis-after-crisis has been led through all the unfortunate situations and influences you’ve had in your childhood, rage can raise.
If you don’t have proper control of your emotions and your ego with a leash on, it’s extremely easy to fall into a dangerous swamp, which is to blame others and place yourself on the “victim” side. When you’re a victim, you don’t solve your situation. You only complain. And it’s dangerous because it’s addictive. To feel the compassion from the others kisses your egocentric being (which we all owe) and you can roll into the delusion that it’s a safe place for you.
How many people have you encountered with this behaviour? After “good morning” they vomit all that speech about how awful everything is and what everyone has done to them. They are not owning their situation.
The fact of the matter is, if you don’t owe your situation, you cannot fix it. As long as you cling to the security of blaming others, even if you’re right, and life has been unfair to you, you will never punch the table and decide that “it’s enough”. It doesn’t matter who’s guilty. That’s the past, it’s gone. The only real thing you have NOW is the present. The essence. This precise moment, and all the problems and blessings that it contains.
Losing your time just wandering off in the darkest corners of your self-compliance will only turn you into a black cloud who doesn’t even remember how got pitch black.
To solve your situation you need to take hold of yourself, be brave enough to admit that your poor decisions are the cause of your current situation. Even if you tried your best, even if you’ve been working and struggling all your life. Even if your decisions were never alcohol and parties, and you’ve been working your ass off YOUR-WHOLE-LIFE. Still, they weren’t the best decisions you could have taken, because you were lost. So together with owning your mistakes, comes self-forgiveness.
You need to forgive that part of yourself that screwed up. You didn’t know better. You were ignorant, naive or lazy. Who knows? That, doesn’t help now either. Hold your head up, and take the first step to a completely new life, where you take good decisions, and slowly but surely shift your destiny in the long term.
That is why, your mistakes don’t define you.
What are the factors that hold us negative when we try to stomp on our life and change it?
Let’s dismantle them one by one.
- The embarrassment of failing in front of everyone
When you decide to work on yourself, that means only one thing: changes.
Changes in habits, relationships, friends, and old patterns. Everything needs to change to see the big results in the medium and long term. People see this. Those you have close are witnesses of what you are trying to do, and most of the time they are not going to believe in you.
That is OK. People who have never hustled to push themselves out of their comfort zone will never support that you believe in yourself. So the first thing you need to do is to keep your projects for yourself. Work in silence, and don’t pay attention to the looks of contempt, the mocking and the intent of bringing you down.
I’ll tell you something: it’s easy to ignore them when you feel strong and positive. The difficulty comes along when you are crushed. When bills pile up, when you’re hungry. When nothing seems to fall together. Then you doubt yourself.
“Maybe they’re right. Maybe all of this was a delusion.”
Don’t listen to that voice. It’s not. You have the vision in your mind that they don’t. How many successful people do you know that had it easy? No-one.
You will break down hundreds of times. The farther you are in your race, the more powerful you’ll feel to face negative thoughts, because you will slowly see results. It has happened to me a million times.
You advance, build, fall. Then you need to start a bit behind, you build again, get a bit higher than you were, and fall again. You pay some delayed bills, success! Then another thing comes along and strikes your finances again, you weren’t strong enough, fall again.
But at that point, you can look back and see everything you have achieved, and objectively appreciate yourself for all your effort and results. No one gets out of the hole in two days. Years and years of having a wrong perspective and going in the wrong direction can’t be mended in a week.
Empires are very slowly built, and you will eventually find yourself in a more relaxed position. Let your stress drift, it will go away.
- Proving them right
You have the possibility of proving them right, of course. Only very hard work can ensure your success. That’s a fear that will hover over you for years, until you feel strong enough to know that’s not going to happen.
You just need to learn to ignore that. Train your mind to be stronger, to not fall into pits and circular thinking.
You choose this path for a reason, and you are willing to work stupid hours, sleep less and have zero luxuries for a period of time, in exchange for your freedom.
Go on. Ignore your mind.
- Not having patience enough
Ah, patience. The most difficult of human flaws to handle. We want things yesterday. I know. But yesterday you weren’t taking good decisions so now, you ought to be very patient and not make mistakes.
Again, it’s all in your mind. Even more when you’re struggling, your adrenaline levels urge you to do something to speed things up but believe me, it’s better off to do things right and slowly than to blow it up just because you couldn’t wait.
- Not having work capacity enough
Work and hard work is the only thing that will push you forward. If you don’t see yourself strong enough, you need to work on it. Schedule your timing bocks during the day. Specify ahead of time how you’re going to use your time. Write it down, use an app, a planner, a calendar, whatever. Be consistent, if you’re not disciplined, learn.
We all can learn, but you need to want to. You need to want to face that pain and that struggle. Physical training is very good to work on discipline. Do something you hate doing, and push yourself to do it. Once you have mastered dominating your mind into doing things you don’t want to, working hard on your business will be way easier.
Discipline is a muscle you need to train, just as any other. Start today.
I know, I know. It’s scary. You feel like you’re jumping off a dark cliff. This is how success feels like. Starts with. Steve Harvey says “If you’re uncomfortable, you’re doing something right.”
Success is ALWAYS, out of your comfort zone. And that is a dangerous area. It’s scary, in all ways. You’re alone, you’re doing something you’re still learning how to manage, you don’t feel confident enough, you’re afraid of people judging you, of failing.
I know, I one million per cent know. But do you know what else I do know? This too shall pass. Remember this quote? Tom Hanks said, “I wish someone had told me that this too shall pass.” If you don’t trust me, trust Tom Hanks *wink*.
The more you work on yourself, on your discipline, on your education, the more confident you’ll feel. The fear of losing always remain, but you’ll have more tools at your reach to face the monsters under your bed.
What will you find on the other side?
“The grass is always greener…”
That’s one of the biggest misconceptions we have in this society. We’re mixing different ideas. The grass is always greener on the other side when you’re jealous. But we’re not here talking about this.
You need to understand this: the process of overcoming yourself, your fears, your bad decision making, your traumas, and your ignorance is the process of building the best version of yourself.
Most people never try to improve themselves, other than dieting or signing up for a gym they will never show up to. That’s not improving yourself. Because to be the best version of yourself, first you need to accept that you’re not the best version of yourself and that you’re probably in a very far away position from that.
We don’t like that, do we? Even more in this self-help books era, where they say “wait, and it will come to you.” Well then you better grab a chair, that wait will be a long one. That’s why these books and philosophy were so popular in the last years, they were sold in millions, and suddenly all these guru-authors popped up like mushrooms after the Spring rain.
Because we want to hear what we like to hear. You’re beautiful. You’re perfect. You deserve everything. And the universe will give it to you.
I’m sorry to be the one to tell you, that you’re not perfect, you don’t deserve everything (just yet, at least), and the universe will kick your ass if you don’t start working it off.
Burn all those books. They are delaying your progress. It’s OK to be optimistic and positive, absolutely, otherwise, we wouldn’t be here if we thought we can’t get better than we currently are. But another very different thing is to live in a delusion where our prior life has no consequences, our traumas don’t exist and our ignorance doesn’t have an effect on our value.
Do you understand the difference? Flee from delusion. You need an extra strong reality lens right now. So you can detect, define and hunt down your flaws. Every time I come across someone who wants to sell me all this trash, I just say “I’m sorry, I’m working on something.”
Grab the bull by the horns, dang it!
How are you going to be better after this process?
- You’ll be stronger-minded because all the discipline you have will put your mind through to be able to overcome all the fears and struggles we have mentioned above will have turn your psyche into an iron tank that can demolish any stressful situation and keep calm under the storm.
- You’ll be physically at another level because even if you’re not a bodybuilder or are obsessed with this lifestyle, you will be making better choices, and that inevitably comes down to taking care of your body. Very soon you will be changing the pizza to fruit. Believe me.
- You’ll be wiser. Oh boy, all the subjects you will have forced yourself to learn in order to upgrade your brand and business, to understand finances and be as smart as you can, you will have read dozens or books because you will need that information.
You will find this out very quickly in the process when you want to take the next step but you need new instructions, because that level requires more knowledge. Be hungry for information and useful data.
- Sharpness of mind. Oh, those knives won’t pierce you ever again when flying across the room, because you have witnessed, accepted and redirected all your mistaken perspectives, and now you know how to act and react in certain directions that will trigger you to go back to old patterns that are not beneficial for you and that certainly won’t push you forward in your growth.
- Gratefulness and altruism. When you’ve been at rock bottom, you appreciate every single little thing you have. The central heating, a car you can trust, the bills paid. You will know the value of every little thing and this, my friend, is the essence of happiness. You know what place you’re not coming back to.
This will also turn you into an altruistic person. No one that has been down there can ignore the needy when they find their place. You will find happiness helping others who need it, and perhaps you can lead the way for them to also, get out of the hole you were in as well.
- Philosophical creature. When you et out of the danger zone, and you have accomplished difficult goals and overcome fears, your psyche gets to another level of conceptualization of reality. You’re no longer the simple being you were. Now you have perspective.
Now you have the value of a fierce spirit. Now your mind is open to new worlds, new experiences and also, new learning.
Doesn’t this sound like someone you’d like to be? It’s in your hand. It’s in your mind. Grab it. Follow me on this journey of reconstruction and authentic growth.